


Fix it All

by cassie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Character Death, Depression, Emotionally Repressed, M/M, Metaphors, Rejection, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 11:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassie/pseuds/cassie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry made the biggest mistake by saying those three little words to Louis, but he knows how to fix everything even if it's the last thing he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix it All

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in January, but then for some reason I had abandoned it. Today I picked it back up when I was going through my documents, so here it is!
> 
> You may want a box of tissues, it just depends on who you are. x

The soft, freezing, white snow fell down to the ground. Harry’s emerald eyes followed every flake, wishing desperately that he could be as carefree as a piece of weather. What it would like to be a snowflake, drifting here and there – having no real life, no real purpose.

To be a snowflake meant you wouldn’t have to impress anyone, or anything. There would be no one telling you what to do or who you need to be, or even how you have to act. You were just formed; falling, then you would be done. 

I want to be a snowflake. Harry thought. Life would be so much simpler.

He had honestly tried everything, everything in the world to get Louis to talk to him, but the feathery-haired brunette wouldn’t speak to him. Everything – everything was falling apart. Harry’s heart was in pieces and the band was standing in ruins because of the three little words he had spoken.

I love you, he had said to his band-mate. Harry was in love with Louis, every last thing about him. Harry loved Louis’ oceanic eyes, his soft, wispy hair. He loved the way Louis told bad jokes, but still made them quite hilarious. Harry loved the way Louis’ body was perfectly sculpted, from his cheekbones, to the v-lines leading down his waist. His personality was among the other picturesque qualities of the older boy; he was gentle, caring, yet independent. Louis knew what he believed in and he fought for it, he didn’t let others control his thoughts at all. Harry liked that, as well.

Harry couldn’t stand the fact that Louis didn’t love him, from near the beginning. He tolerated it. Harry kept tolerating the fact that Louis didn’t love him. Now, though, the fact that Louis wouldn’t speak to the young teenage lad was over bearing. This was something Harry couldn’t handle; it was all too much for him to bear, to think about.

Harry didn’t know what lead him to need to do this so badly, he just knew why he wanted to do it so much. He didn’t want to think about it though, he wasn’t ready – Harry just let the cold, white, snow envelope him as he stood there. If there was no band, and he couldn’t have Louis – what did Harry have left to live for? Harry was terrified of where his own mind was leading him, but he couldn’t push the thoughts away.

He was chasing after something he couldn’t have, he had been since the beginning and he was fully aware of it. Harry couldn’t stop reminding himself that Louis never wanted him. Even back in 2010, Louis didn’t want Harry on a romantic level. Even through all the jokes and playing around for the camera, Louis had meant something when he had said “Larry Stylinson is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.” It had broken Harry’s heart more than it had ever broken the Larry shippers.

Thing was, Harry was hopelessly in love with Louis, there was no doubt about it. The more that love grew, the more pain it caused him – and the more Louis had shied away from his best friend. The more Harry made Louis aware of his love, the more Louis turned bitter. It wasn’t fame who had changed him like the press said, it was Harry. The blue-eyed boy didn’t know any other way to deal with the situation. Harry was pushing his best friend to something he didn’t want to feel, and that’s the way he reacted.

Harry couldn’t remember the first time Louis became so bitter towards him, but he knew that if he hid his feelings their friendship would go back to normal. That was, until Harry said those three little words. Then it was set in stone, and Louis couldn’t take it anymore. Harry had been honest with him and Louis ran away.

Before his eyes, Harry’s life was falling apart. He lost his best friend, the love of his life, the other lads didn’t know what to think and the band was on a proclaimed hiatus. None of them knew what to do, none of them except Harry. He knew how to fix this all.

Harry shivered, the cold wind piercing his cheeks. Tears burned his eyes, and spilled over the brims. He knew what he must do, and he was afraid. What came after life? What happened when a person died? Were Heaven and Hell real places? Harry chuckled to himself; he knew his plan would fix everything. The band could go on without him, everything would be okay. The lads would continue to fulfill their dreams and forget about the boy who almost ruined everything. Louis could be happy, Louis would be happy. All because Harry wouldn’t be around anymore, Louis would return to being himself.

Through his tears, Harry continued to laugh. He felt silly about it, crying and laughing, but for once he finally felt like his struggle was over. There was solace in his laughter; he wouldn’t have to impress anyone anymore. Harry wouldn’t have to deal with rejection and all the pain that came with it. He wouldn’t feel anything because he’d be gone.

Just like all these snowflakes, Harry thought. He could just drift away and melt, no memories of himself left. No one would remember Harry; his existence would be wiped from the face of the Earth. Everything would be much better without him, and there wouldn’t be any more pain. There would be no pain because Harry wouldn’t be around to cause it.

Oh he was scared, Harry was so terrified of what was to come, but he was set in his plan. The anxiety was welled up inside of him, but the relief out-weighed it all by far. One by one, all the smiles of everyone he kept dear flashed in his mind. Louis was the last – and the ringing of his sweet laughter filled Harry’s ears, regardless of the fact he wasn’t actually there.

The way he envisioned Louis, it was like the older lad was an angel. Harry turned to face the man, his brunette fringe hanging in front of his sparkling cerulean eyes, and that smile that lit up the whole room… it was just for Harry. “I love you, Harry. I love you so, so much.”

“I love you too, Boobear.” Harry grinned back at the lad; curls drooped in front of his green eyes.

Louis disappeared into the dust, the smile on his face fading away. Harry collapsed to the ground and sobbed, it was all lies. Everything Louis said to him just then was a lie. Harry knew Louis could never love him, not ever.

It was because of who Harry was, and the way he was, and now – the fact that Harry was gone. His existence was gone, his memory was lost.

Harry had gotten his wish, he had fixed everything. It was his entire fault, so he took responsibility and he fixed it.

 

 

The press had said it was an accident, but Louis always knew otherwise.

It didn’t matter though, because Harry had fixed everything.

Just like the snowflakes, he was there for a moment and then he was gone.


End file.
